Do You Know Your Conflict Language?

The Gottman institute posits that conflict holds a language all on its own and most of us assume we should just intrinsically know it. This can be synonymous to being expected to converse in Spanish when you don’t speak the language. .
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Conflict management is a language we can learn and aren’t expected to just know without having been taught it or having good role models growing up. Many come from households where parents either didn’t deal with conflict in front of the kids or dealt with it in non-productive ways such as yelling, or aggression. .
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A few things to remember when you are engaging in conflict management with your partner is that intention is very important. Fights are not fought to hurt one another but to resolve an issue. So let’s learn to fight fairly and kindly because after all your partner is someone you love and respect - there must be some validity to the point they are trying to make. If you spend time trying to find it and they spend time trying to find what’s valid in what you’re saying - you’re already one step ahead in learning the dialect of conflict management!